How Much of My Happiness Is in My Control?

The answer to the question, what is happiness, has been sought after by many great philosophers throughout history. But perhaps a more relevant question is how much of happiness is in our control, and how much of it is out of our control? There are clearly some aspects that appear beyond our control. But how much of our happiness depends on the people around us, or the events that happen to us versus what we do intentionally? In this article, I wanted to take a generalized look at happiness and the things that affect it.

What is Happiness?

Trying to define happiness has become very tricky especially in the scientific community. Psychology in large has always battled with the fact that many things are simply hard to define or measure when it comes to the human mind. It could be because the field is still young and will later develop concrete measurement techniques of abstract subjects, or possibly these subjects will never be 100% measurable.

Many psychological studies prefer the term subjective well-being which is just a more scientific way to say it essentially. It’s defined that way because it at least makes it measurable by means of self report. In other words, you only really know how happy someone is by asking them, and that is what makes it subjective and not objective. We don’t have a brain scanner that can give a happiness score. So for now, we mostly rely on questionnaire style tests that ask the participant to report on how well they are doing.

Merriam-Webster defines happiness as “a state of well-being and contentment; a pleasurable and satisfying experience.” I think most of us understand how happiness feels yet would have trouble describing it. It is being content and satisfied with your life. You may also experience bursts of joy on a regular basis. You just feel good the majority of the time. I say majority because everyone experiences setbacks, even very happy people. However, when you experience sorrow and sadness most of the time and experience little to no happy states, that is when people may begin to be diagnosed with depression and need to follow a plan of action to get out of it.

We know that everyone wants happiness. It is the driving force behind almost everything we do. To achieve it many seek out love, sex, riches, freedom, etc. The only reason people want those things is because they feel that they will make them happy. It has to be one of society’s biggest motivators. So how much happiness is in our control? Let’s take a look.

Is Happiness Within Our Control?

To answer this question, I hope to offer a realistic and evidence-based perspective. Telling someone that “life is what you make it” may sound good but I think most realize that it is simply not 100% true. However, there is much truth to it. I want to reference the findings of Sonja Lyubomirsky who is a leading researcher of happiness and well-being who wrote “The How of Happiness”. Here is the basis for her book:

In a general sense, these are the numbers that happiness research suggests.

• 50% of our happiness is our set point or genetic predisposition.
• 10% is determined by our circumstance or the things that just happen to us.
• 40% is determined by intentional activity or what we think and do.

Some may see these numbers as surprising or even depressing. I would like to point out how hopeful they are. Yes, 50% may be genetic predisposition, but look how just 10% is determined by our circumstances! I would say that most assume circumstances make up about 90% of their happiness, not 10%. But it makes sense when you see countries or people who live in such difficult circumstances who are significantly happier than someone who lives a life of luxury. Now you know that circumstances don’t have to dictate your life and the pursuit of wealth or different circumstances won’t necessarily make you much happier either.  

Studies have shown that we dramatically overestimate how much we think money will make us happy. We do see that happiness increases from poverty levels to having what someone needs. But after basic needs are met and people have achieved sort of a middle-class lifestyle, further increases in wealth don’t make them happier and sometimes cause even more stress and problems.

So how much of my happiness is in my control? Scientific evidence shows that about 40% of our happiness is controlled by our thoughts and intentional actions, though therapeutic interventions could also affect our genetic setpoint some by altering brain chemistry which could have predisposed us to unhappiness.

This 40% is where we should put all of our attention. That is a large portion of our happiness within our control and most don’t take advantage of it. They just accept that their genetics and circumstances control their lives and give up trying to make it better. But if changing our circumstances isn’t necessarily the answer, what intentional activity can we do to increase our happiness? Let’s get into it!

How to Be Happier

These ideas are again taken from the book “The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky because it does a great job combining the scientific literature into a clear list of practices.

1. Practicing Gratitude and Positive Thinking: This could involve expressions of gratitude such as a gratitude journal. You could also cultivate optimism by recognizing when you are being negative and changing your thoughts or practicing positive affirmations. You should also avoid overthinking and social comparison.
2. Investing in Social Connections: Practice acts of kindness with others and nurture the relationships you already have. Loneliness can be very detrimental to our happiness.
3. Managing Stress, Hardship, and Trauma: Develop strategies for coping with your problems and learn to forgive and move on from past experiences.
4. Living in the Present: Increase feelings of flow and learn to savor life’s joys. Really enjoy your favorite food and listen to your favorite song. Learn to be mindful so you can practice being in the present more.
5. Goals: Setting meaningful, positive goals that excite you and pursuing those is one of the keys to a satisfied life. Psychologist Jordan Peterson is a huge advocate for taking on responsibility for a meaningful yet attainable goal. It is in pursuit of that goal where you find meaning and happiness.
6. Caring for Your Body and Soul: Everything is connected so embrace your own spirituality, whatever that may be. We need a higher meaning in this life. Meditate to calm the mind. Integrate daily physical exercise to take care of your body. And start acting like a happy person acts. Your mind will eventually catch up if you start with your body.

These are all great ideas, but find what you can do to have more happiness.

So now you know how much happiness is in your control and what you can do about it. I hope you can use this knowledge to further improve your own happiness and well-being so that you can live your life to the fullest.